From: "Linda Bracke" bracke@verizon.net
Sent: May 11, 2007

As I sit here, May 11, 2007 a year and 9 months after my bleed, I’m finally able to write down my thoughts about my experience.

It was August 3rd, 2005 and I had gotten up early to get my kids off to school. I told my husband, “I have an earache this morning and I feel so dizzy”. Before I got them up, I took 3 aspirins to ease the pain, and lay on the couch to try and settle the world that seemed to be spinning around me. My day was uneventful, and the dizziness that I had experienced earlier seemed to come and go. By 11Pm that evening, I got out of bed because the nausea was so bad. I spent the next 6 hours vomiting with severe diarrhea and ended up sleeping next to the toilet.

The alarm woke my husband, and I informed him that I needed him to take the day off and take me to the ER. I spent 4 days in the hospital and had upper and lower GI testing. The doctor confirmed that I had an inner ear infection, and sent me home. As I tried to rest and watch t.v., it seemed as though there were two images, one on top and the same image directly underneath. To make matters worse, those images were bouncing and waving and I just couldn’t focus on any one object. When I washed my face with a washcloth, I had a strange numb feeling between my eyebrows, down the bridge of my nose to the tip and down to my upper lip. The tips of my 1st three fingers of my right hand were tingly and numb.

I knew that something was wrong, and decided if I was diagnosed with an inner ear infection that I wanted it confirmed by a specialist. The ENT (ear, nose and throat) was a wonderful doctor and ordered the MRI to find the reason for my strange symptoms. She called me after hours that evening with the results, a lesion or tumor in my brainstem.

On August 6th, I saw a neurosurgeon at Loma Linda University Med Center, and he told me that I had a single cavernous malformation in the pons area of the brainstem that required surgery. As I sat there in complete shock, I asked him, if he were advising his mother, sister or wife if they should have the surgery, he said that he would tell them that it’s their decision. I reluctantly scheduled surgery for Oct 19, 2005. I went home and cried and prayed and asked God to give me peace if this were the right course of action for me to take.

As the date for surgery approached, the more nervous I became. My husband came home the 1st part of October and said, “I met a neurologist today, (Dr. Ken Burres) that wants to look at your MRI. The next day my husband took it to him to read and his opinion was, the MRI that I had was antiquated and I needed a high definition MRI to see better where this lesion was located.

The next week I had another MRI and a week later I was on a plane, and had an appointment to see his personal friend Dr. Gary Steinberg at Stanford Hospital. He was wonderful and confirmed that the lesion was not close enough to a pial surface to remove it safely, and that he wanted to take a more conservative approach. I will never forget, what he told me. “I can do this surgery now, but I’m afraid you won’t be happy with the outcome. I want you to get better, not worse”. I was 2 days away from having my scheduled surgery in Loma Linda, which by the way I CANCELLED. I am amazed how GOD led us in another direction and possibly saved me from an uncertain fate.

How I’m doing today: It took about 8 weeks after my bleed for my eye focusing problem to resolve. My eyes were sensitive to light for a long time, but that has also resolved. For almost a year, I had a weird pressure in my head (felt like my head might explode), and that also has gotten better. I still have a strange squeezing sensation on my eyeballs and have a feeling of pressure sometimes in the backs of my eyes. The feeling in my face has returned mostly, just a light numb feeling especially if I’ve had a hard day. My right hand is stiff up to my wrist most days with a feeling of stiffness in my 1st 3 fingers. There are still times that I feel dizzy, but not as bad as it was.

All in all I feel fortunate to be alive and realize that there are a lot people who have it so much worse. I’m also thankful for the support of neighbors and friends that helped me through those horrible 1st few months, and feel blessed for my amazing husband and family that encouraged me not to give up. I try not to worry about what my future holds but know for certain that I’m in God’s hands no matter what happens. Never in my wildest nightmare, would I say that I wanted brain surgery. Funny how life is.

Linda Bracke
Apple Valley, California